Ethical Non-Monogamy
What is it and why do it?
Definition
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is the practice of taking part in romantic and/or sexual relationships that are not completely exclusive between two people.
In simple words, ethical non-monogamy is when a couple agrees one or both of them can have sex with other people.
This is also sometimes referred to as consensual non-monogamy.
Not Infidelity
Ethical non-monogamy is not infidelity. Infidelity is cheating.
Cheating is when someone sneaks around and hides their sexual/romantic involvement with another person from their primary partner. There is nothing ethical about cheating. To engage in ENM, both partners have to be in agreement.
Breaking It Down
Webster’s dictionary defines ethical as A) involving or expressing moral approval or disapproval B) conforming to accepted standards of conduct.
Ethical non-monogamy is ethical because the couple approves of the behavior and they conform to the standards of conduct they establish.
Webster’s dictionary defines monogamy as the state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time. Being non-monogamous means engaging in sexual activity outside of the primary relationship.
Every couple is going to have their own acceptable rules and guidelines for having sexual and/or romantic relationships outside of their relationship. Because the rules and guidelines are agreed upon and accepted by both, their behavior is ethical. Simply put, there is nothing wrong with their actions as long as they are in agreement.
ENM requires communication
There are no set rules for ethical non-monogamy. It is different for different people. What works for some people may not work for others. ENM requires communication between everyone involved to establish what is acceptable and what is not. Rules, boundaries, guidelines, expectations all need to be discussed. Have open honest talks. Be respectful of each other’s feelings. If one of you says no to something it is okay to ask why, but don’t force your partner to do something they do not want to do. Resentment in the relationship will only lead to bigger problems.
Jack and I talked for hours about what is acceptable and what is not. We established rules, guidelines, and boundaries for swinging and for hotwife. For us rules are hard and fast, not changing without serious discussion. Guidelines and boundaries are less rigid and can usually be changed with less discussion. Sometimes a boundary is simply something one of us thinks we are opposed to, but later change our mind about. We just have to let each other know our thoughts about something have changed. And Jack and I still have conversations about the lifestyle. We check in to make sure we’re on the same page about everything. This helps prevent potential problems.
Why do it
Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term which includes many different things. ENM includes swinging, hotwife, polyamory, open relationships, polygamy, and more.
There are so many reasons to explore ENM. Some people want to explore their sexuality without leaving their current relationship. Other people want experiences their partner cannot or will not participate in. Some people are capable of loving more than one person and want relationships with more people. Other people want to explore fantasies and desires with their partner.
The reason only matters to those in the relationship. Whatever the reason, ENM is not a negative when everyone involved is in agreement. Make your own rules and follow them.
Bottom Line
Ethical non-monogamy is not wrong when you and your partner are in agreement. ENM is not cheating. Two people in a relationship can agree to have more sexual and/or romantic partners. Society used to be unaccepting of ethical non-monogamy, but that is changing. While ethical non-monogamy is on the rise, I think part of it is people just don’t hide it anymore. What other people think of me and Jack does not influence our actions. What we want and agree to is so much more important than what society thinks of us.
Ethical non-monogamy can be so fun and exciting! It can also be a little scary and stressful, especially when first starting. But if you’re interested, then have a conversation with your partner and see where it goes. Who knows? That conversation could open up a whole new world.
