Lifestyle Words and Abbreviations
When we first started in the lifestyle there were words and abbreviations people used that I did not know the meaning of. I had to go searching online to find a meaning or ask someone to explain. Knowing the lingo of the lifestyle really helps. What does it mean when someone says they are same room soft swap only? What does it mean when someone says they want to plan a CNC event for their partner?
These terms may mean something a little different to different people, but knowing the general definition is a good start. Always get clarification on what someone is wanting and be respectful of boundaries. You will probably already know what some of the following terms mean, but if not that is okay. Everyone has to start somewhere.
Please note there are not many BDSM words listed. This is simply because we do not participate in BDSM, so I don’t know what most of it means. Also, if I got something wrong on the list definitely let me know!
B
Bareback = sex without a condom.
BBC = big black cock. While this term is used often, many people find it offensive.
BDSM = bondage, dominance/discipline, sadomasochism. This is an umbrella term with many different subcategories.
Bi-curious = someone who is interested in and curious about having bisexual encounters.
Bi-open = self defined as straight or heterosexual, but open to having bisexual experiences. Also used to identify open minded people.
Bisexual = emotional and sexual attraction to both men and women.
Bull = this one can have different meanings. One definition is a dominate male who has sex with a woman, but is not her primary partner. In a cuck situation bulls are superior to the primary partner; younger, better body, bigger dick, better at sex. Another definition of bull is simply a male who has sex with a woman, but is not her primary partner. He does not have to be superior to the primary partner.
Buck = Similar to a bull, but is generally used in stag/vixen terms. The buck is secondary to the stag and is respectful of the couple and their relationship.
Bukkake = a Japanese term meaning several men cum on one person (usually a woman). This is a kink or fetish some people have and will plan events to achieve.
BWC = big white cock. While this term is used, some people find it offensive.
C
CNC = consensual non-consent. Most often this refers to a rape fetish/kink where the victim is not a victim, but a willing participant who desires the actions and has consented, but will act out resisting the aggressor.
CNM = consensual non-monogamy. See ENM.
Compersion = the opposite of jealousy. The feeling of joy or happiness when seeing or knowing your partner enjoyed sex with another person.
Cougar = an older, mature, and confident woman who has sexual interactions with a much younger male.
Creampie = when a man cums inside his sexual partner.
Cuck/Cuckold = A man whose wife has sexual relations with other men with his approval, with an emphasis on degrading, humiliating, or otherwise insulting the husband. The husband desires this dynamic and finds satisfaction in it. Not to be confused with Stag/Vixen or hotwife scenarios.
Cuckquean = gender opposite of a cuck. A woman whose husband has sexual relations with other women with her approval, usually with an emphasis on degrading, humiliating, or otherwise insulting the wife. The wife desires this dynamic and finds satisfaction in it.
D
DD Free = drug and disease free.
Dead Bed = a sexless relationship, usually referring to a long term couple.
DP = double penetration. Usually used to identify having sex vaginally and anally at the same time. This can be accomplished with two men, two objects (such as dildos), or a man and object.
DVP = double vaginal penetration. This can be accomplished with two men, two objects (such as dildos), or one man and one object.
E
ENM = ethical non-monogamy.
Exhibitionist = people who like to be watched while having sex.
F
Fetish = a strong like or desire for an activity or object to achieve sexual pleasure that is not commonly viewed as sexual in nature. Foot fetish is one example.
FFM = Female, female, male sexual interaction. The females interact sexually with each other and the male in this scenario. The letter placement can be important to convey meaning and/or intent. Adding letters indicates the number of people involved.
FMF = female, male, female sexual interaction. The females do not intentionally interact sexually with each other, but only with the male. The letter placement can be important to convey meaning and/or intent. Adding letters indicates the number of people involved.
Fluid bonded = not a term used often. A sexual partner you choose not to use condoms with.
Full Swap = when couples swap partners with another couple and participate in sexual activity including penetration. Also referred to as a hard swap.
G
Gangbang = consensual sex acts with four or more people at the same time focused on a primary person, usually a female.
GGG = good, giving, game. A term coined by Dan Savage that specifically means good in bed, giving equal time and pleasure, and game for anything (within their own personal boundaries). This isn’t used a lot, but I do see it pop up on forums fairly regular.
Group sex or group play = simplest meaning is more than two people involved in sexual acts together. It is more commonly used to refer to four or more people having sexual interaction with more than one person in a group setting.
H
Hall pass = usually means when one partner is away from the other, such as out of town, they have permission to have sex with someone else. It may or may not be a one time thing, such as a one stand.
Hard Swap = see Full Swap.
Hotwife = A married woman who has sexual relations with other men with her husband’s approval, with an emphasis on respect. The husband may watch or join in the sex. Not to be confused with cuckold.
Hothusband = the opposite of hotwife. A married man who has sexual relations with other women with the wife’s approval, with an emphasis on respect. The wife may watch or join in the sex. Not to be confused with cuckquean. Hothusband is more rare than hotwife.
HWP = height weight proportionate. Usually used to indicate a person is not thin or overweight, but is of normal or average build.
K
Kink = non-conventional sexual acts or fantasies. Swapping, threesomes, and orgies are examples of kinks.
L
Lifestyle = broad term to identify people who are into sexual activities not considered mainstream. An example is swinging.
M
MFM = male, female, male sexual interaction. The F between the Ms indicates the males do not intentionally interact sexually with each other, only with the female. The letter placement can be important to convey meaning and/or intent. Adding letters indicates the number of people involved.
MMF = male, male, female sexual interaction. The males interact sexually with each other and the female in this scenario. The letter placement can be important to convey meaning and/or intent. Adding letters indicates the number of people involved.
Monogamish = a term coined by Dan Savage meaning not totally monogamous. When a couple is committed to each other, but they have sex with other people without an emotional connection.
N
NRE = new relationship energy. That happy high feeling experienced at the beginning of a new relationship.
O
ORE = old relationship energy. Not used often. It’s the comfortable dependable energy of a long-term relationship, but does not mean a boring tired relationship.
Open Relationship = a type of ENM meaning one or both people in a primary couple are able to pursue sexual and/or emotional relationships with others.
Orgy = another word meaning group sex involving five or more people. Participants may or may not know each other.
P
Pansexual = someone whose romantic, emotional, and/or sexual attraction is not restricted by gender, biological sex, or gender choice.
Parallel play = having sex with your primary partner next to a couple also having sex.
Polyamorous = a type of ENM meaning someone has multiple loving, intentional, and intimate relationships at the same time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Different than open relationship.
R
Reclaiming/Reconnecting = sex to reclaim a partner after a sexual interaction outside the primary relationship. Reconnecting the physical and emotional bond between primary partners, putting the focus back on their relationship.
S
Same room = when a couple swaps partners, but everyone has sex in the same room. This can happen on the same bed or not.
Separate room = when a couple swaps partners, but have sex in separate rooms.
Size Queen = prefers a large dick and often will not have sex with anyone below their preferred size.
Soft Swap = when couples swap partners with another couple and participate in any sexual activity except penetration. The limits of play should be defined and agreed upon between all participants.
Spit Roast = usually involving two men and one woman, the woman gives one man a blow job while the other fucks her from behind either vaginally or anally.
Stag/Vixen = Not the same as cuckolding. In Stag/Vixen relationships the primary male is not inferior to the other male in any way. The Stag is not humiliated in any way. He may watch or join in sex with his wife and the other male (sometimes referred to as a Buck). There is a focus on respect for the primary couple and their relationship.
Swingers = a couple who engages in sexual acts with other couples or singles.
Swinging = a type of ENM meaning a couple participates in casual sex with other individuals or couples.
T
Take One For the Team = used most commonly when referring to swinging. When one person in the couple has sex with someone they are not attracted to so their partner can have sex with someone they are attracted to. Most couples have rules against this, but it happens.
Threesome = sexual activity involving three people. Usually refers to casual sex.
Throuple = three people who are the primary partners of a relationship.
Train = men wait for their turn to have sex with a consenting woman one after another, not simultaneously like in a gangbang.
U
Unicorn = a single female active in the lifestyle. She is rare. Unicorns know they are rare and in demand, so are often very selective about who they play with.
V
Vanilla = people who are not in the lifestyle and only have sex with their current partner. Also used to label sexual acts, such as missionary position between a male and a female.
Voyeurism = gaining sexual pleasure from watching people have sex. Exhibitionist are people who like to be watched while having sex.
