Does Size Matter?
If not, what does?
Recently Jack and I received an email asking for a blog post about men. Specifically, we were asked if size matters and what else can men offer besides size. While I obviously cannot answer for every woman in the lifestyle, I will definitely answer for myself. And Jack chimed in on this one as well with a husband’s point of view.
Does Size Matter?
So, does size matter? Nope. I have never once asked a man about his dick size. I simply do not care about that. For me, every experience is about the entire interaction, not one specific part. Men are more than their dick size. And men are meant to be enjoyed.
Sure, some women are size queens and will only play with men who are well above average in size. I think women who prefer much larger dicks are the minority. Sometimes women may want to experience a man larger than their husband, but I think that is simply intriguing rather than a requirement. Remember, every one has different desires and fantasies, so one size doesn’t fit all, but generally size doesn’t matter. What matters to me is appearance, conversation, a connection of some sort, and then the sex…but not the size.
Appearance
Appearance matters more to me than dick size. And appearance isn’t a body type or something like a man must have dark hair. When I say appearance I mean things like clean fingernails, brushed hair, neat facial hair (if any), clean clothes that fit well, and clean shoes.
I usually look at what a man is wearing first. A man wearing clean clothes that fit well gives a good first impression. Whether he is wearing something super casual or a suit doesn’t matter.
As long as his clothes are clean and not too big and baggy or too small and tight, then he’s giving a good impression.
I always look at fingernails and shoes. Clean trimmed nails matter. A man who takes the time to clean and trim his nails usually takes care of himself in general. And it’s a sign he cares about his appearance and how he presents himself. Shoes too. If his nails and shoes are clean, but maybe his clothes aren’t the best, it still shows he puts effort into his appearance and self-care.
Sometimes the first time I see a man is when he’s naked, like in a hot tub or pool. I look at face, hair, hands, and feet if there are no clothes or shoes to look at.
I want to play with a man who puts at least a little effort in to himself.
Conversation & Manners
After appearance is conversation and manners. There are a few important parts to the conversation. The first is talk to both of us, not just one of us. I have never played with a man who talked to Jack instead of me. To be blunt, if you want to fuck me, talk to me.
More than once at the club, a man has talked to Jack about me, but not to me. Most of the time they say hi to me and that’s it. But they tell Jack I’m gorgeous/pretty/hot or some compliment like that. Jack says thank you and I sit there thinking they would get further if they said it to me. The opposite is true too though. There was a man who told me what he wanted to do to me, in a bit of detail, but wouldn’t say it in front of Jack. I even told him say it in front of my husband. He wouldn’t and that’s part of why we didn’t play. The men we have played with talked to both of us. They compliment me directly and tell Jack what they think about me. Or the man starts off telling Jack they like me, would it be okay to talk to me. They are making an effort to be respectful and I appreciate it. Just know if you ever see me in the wild, you can talk to me without Jack’s permission.
Second about conversation is do not be boring or ridiculous, but fun and flirty. Once a man talked to Jack and I for hours about his career. He might have been a ton of fun sexually, but he bored me. A little talk about work is fine, but not hours! The conversation was a turn off and I did not play with him. I did play with the man who asked us how long we’d been going to the club and how long we’d been in the lifestyle. Sexy fun conversation without being too forward. And several times people have used some variation of that to start a conversation that led to sex. Why? Because it is not boring!
Body language is the third part of conversation. For me, the actual talking doesn’t have to be hours long. Even a short conversation can tell you a lot about a person. But be fun, interesting, listen, and pay attention to body language. The guy who bored me about his job for hours did not pay attention to body language. I hardly said a word to him and kept my eyes on Jack. I turned away from him shortly after he sat down with us. To someone paying attention those are signs of not being interested. For comparison, there was a man who had said hello to us and we talked for just a minute or two. But I touched his arm and leaned a little closer during that short chat. Later when he walked by me, he ran his hand across my back. I did not move away and I smiled at him. All body language that I was interested. And later that evening a hug turned into us finding a private room to play in. Our flirty touches throughout the night said more than spoken words. Body language matters.
The Sex
So the appearance and conversation has finally led to sex, but he has a little dick. At this point I do not care at all what his dick size is. I care that his dick is hard. By now I’m obviously interested or we would not be interacting sexually. Once I’m turned on I’m not going to put the brakes on because of size. This is where there are other things a man can offer sexually. Use fingers, mouth, toys, give a sensual massage that gets her off before the sex; whatever everyone is okay with. It is about all of it, not just the intercourse.
For some women stamina matters more than size. I might be the odd one on this, but stamina doesn’t really matter either. I don’t need to be fucked for hours. It is about the entire experience,
not the size of his dick or how long he can last (and a man can last too long as well as not long enough). There are two absolutely amazing experiences I’m thinking of right now. Both were below average size, one was very small, and one of them didn’t last very long. I thoroughly enjoyed both of them! They made things fun in other ways. Both asked Jack and I to play together too, which made the experience last longer and certainly added to the fun. Taking turns made the one guy last longer. One of the men had excellent oral skills. Both of them also engaged in dirty talk. Not all women are into it, but I usually like it. It’s more fun than quiet sex with only the sounds of heavy breathing and moans. And dirty talk can add to the overall experience too.
Jack’s Input
I was asked to chime in about size from the husband’s perspective and specifically what I think about Candice having sex with someone smaller than me.
It is an extremely nuanced topic, but in general, size is (mostly*) irrelevant. Simply speaking, sluts turn me on, and sluts aren’t so picky when it comes to actual size. I enjoy watching my wife be a slut. I am a voyeur at heart.
Now I say mostly* because there is a whole subset of size (large and small) fantasy play that is exclusive to itself. When size is a factor in a fantasy (occasionally), it is irrelevant to my own size. I simply don’t compare them to myself because I don’t care about that. To me, that sounds more like a cuckold mindset where men enjoy being degraded or humiliated by their wives taking lovers that are more endowed than them. That’s fine for the folks that enjoy that, it’s just not me. I care more about the novelty of the extremeness, both large AND small. Anything in between the extremes falls into the previous paragraph scenario, and in my case, I couldn’t care less about how they compare to me.
So…
So that is a really long way to say, for me, intercourse is not the main event, but the finale. I enjoy everything from the first look, to the conversation and flirting, to the sex. And Jack likes to watch all those things too because he enjoys the build up, the anticipation, because he really is a voyeur at heart…and I’m an exhibitionist!
Size doesn’t matter, the whole experience does.
